I am re-entering my freak era
December 9th, 2024
I used to be really into My Hero Academia but I stopped watching after season 3 because I was waiting for season 4 to be released but just didn't keep up with it, mind you I was like 11 and watching the dub on hulu [I hadn't even found out about piracy websites yet] so it makes sense but also like... it was my favorite show idk why I just stopped watching it. I fear that is actually a lie, I know why I stopped watching it, no one else I knew watched it so it felt like I was doing something wrong. I was so severely undiagnosed as AuDHD [autistic and ADHD] that anytime someone didn't like something I liked, I didn't bring it up because I thought that it would me we couldn't be friends. It is still something that sticks with me today, I don't talk about my interests unless I know I am with someone who also likes it or will at least put up with me being cringe in their DMs talking about it. A thing that I also think started at the same place is that I absorb my friends interests. I am a furry because my cringfail wife [best friend.. I know you are reading this] was one and I wanted to connect, same reason I got kinda into homestuck. I didn't actually love homestuck, I just enjoyed connecting and also my favorite character [another autistic baddie terezi] so I enjoyed it enough to read it. But sometimes I forget that I am allowed to enjoy things that people don't like. I don't share my music taste often, or give book reccomendations, let alone talk about one of the shows im hyperfixating on, simply because what if the person I share a piece of myself with.. doesn't want it.
It feels bad to keep it to myself but I want people to like me enough that they can look past my flaws, and if me keeping the fact that actually yeah I am a cringe fail loser who thinks about doomed yaoi often will make it easier to them then I have no problem. This blog it is way easier to not hide it because I don't know you [except my wife] and if you are reading this then you are also probably a cringe fail loser. I get the sentiment that crige is dead and that I should do what I want, but it simply isn't true. I will get bullied again. I will not be a sociable person if I actually behaved the way I felt like behaving. I don't know anymore. It is whatever, and it is as shrimple as that.
But on to the main point of writing this, I am getting back into MHA. I literally have had multiple dreams in a row about it so I don't know what that says about me, probably not something good, but I am back to my middle school self [depressive episode included]. I still hold a lot of the same views about the show as I did in middle school, maybe a little bit more nuanced [I hope], like my favorite ship is Todoroki and Midoriya because the are always the others solution... at least to the point I have watched. I do not like Bakugo and Midoriya as a couple at all, mostly because I was bullied and told to kill myself before and I could never get over that shit and eh.. that's why I am not a hero, but also because I can view them more as brothers with the information I have now. I have an older sister and when I say we used to hate eachother, I mean it, so it is easier for me to view the way Izu forgives him as that of a sibling relationship easier. But I am not here to yuck anybody's yum. Another thing that I feel would make the show way more for me to enjoy would have been to keep Midoriya quirkless, like that is what he should be battling. It should be a man v. society story about how you can overcome the odds without needing a someone to give you a head start. I think the show would have been so much better if Mido denied the quirk but still did all that shit simply because he needs to, because he can't give up yet. I find it a much more interesting story, and according to AO3, many fanfic writers agree. The show in it's self is pretty okay, a classic shonen, but my brain can't help but keep trying to twist themes and parallels that aren't there into something I can actually chew on to satisfy the daydreams. I think that is why Quirkless!Midoriya AU's appeal to me so much more. And probably because I relate to him so much, he is my autistic son and is also me. Despite him being me, I don't usually see him as trans [most characters I self-project onto I do], but instead A SECRECT SECOND CHARACTER I PROJECT ONTO IS. It is Todoroki. I just think his dad is a traditionalist and would still train todo to beat All-Might but just keep him a secret because he was born a girl. I can get into the whole AU I have imaginged in my brain but I am tired and have things to do.
I think I will end off here for the post but I still have many thoughts about this fuckass show so please come scream at me if you agree <3
I rambled so much in this lmao